How did soaps fare during the holidays? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.
Families came together for the holidays and unwrapped lots of drama.
After screwing over cousins Devon and Lily on Y&R, Nate was shocked when Devon didn’t want to be besties and dish what caused Amanda to leave town.
Devon: “Why are you so obsessed with a family you’re not a part of anymore? You’ve lost the right to ask me any questions about my life.”
Go away, Nate. I’d say the same about back-from-the-dead Diane but it’s always fun to watch Jack make a fool of himself for a “love” that has backstabbed him 100 times and is about to do it again. Ashley has her number but Jack would rather abandon his sister than admit he’s wrong.
Ashley: “I don’t know what Diane has done to your brain, but it’s wrecked.”
He dismissed ex-wives Nikki and Phyllis, too.
Jack (to Phyllis): “I’m done with you. If it were up to me I would fire you this second.”
Showing her trademark lack of remorse, Phyllis hounded her daughter until she knee-jerked the same response.
Summer: “Your employment will be terminated effective immediately.”
Merry Christmas, here’s a pink slip!
Phyllis went scorched earth on Lauren and Michael, citing Michael’s “negligence” with Diane, and in came Sally — who is currently dating Nick, which Phyllis should have stuck her nose into months ago — to announce she’s launching a home design biz to compete with Marchetti.
Phyllis (to camera): “Every-one’s lost their damn mind.”
Meanwhile, back at the office …
Nikki: “I’m happy watching my children shine with the exception of your personal life.”
I guess when you work for your mom you can’t exactly go to HR, but imagine if a regular boss talked to an employee like that: “I don’t like who you’re dating so your job is in jeopardy.” Cue the lawsuit!
Working with family is fraught — ask anyone at B&B’s Forrester Creations.
Brooke: “I want to work now that Ridge is gone.”
Oh, okay …
Hope: “There is a man who loves you unconditionally who just happens to be my dad.”
Is that how love works? Just sub in an old sex partner when your husband annuls your marriage without telling you why? Ridge got some tough love from his father/boss and it was long overdue.
Eric: “You need to commit to one of them. Is it Brooke or is it Taylor?”
The man has flip-flopped every day since 1987. He needs some quality time alone with a truckload of Guinness and a mirror. Oh, wait — his ex-wives beat him to it.
Brooke: “What kind of man runs to Taylor to propose while married to me?”
Taylor: “You promised you would keep my heart safe and I bought it.”
Brooke: “We are better than this. We choose us.”
The former rivals then walked out holding hands and went to Brooke’s to eat cake.
Steffy: “I’m so confused.”
Me too. Two incredibly needy women just woke up one day and were done? Brooke and Taylor are going to start having empowerment lunches over cake and “sparkling cider” while Ridge lives at Daddy’s house with Eric and Donna? I don’t think so.
If you think Ridge is bad, let me introduce you to GH’s Nikolas Cassadine. He cheated on his wife with his son’s girlfriend who turned up pregnant.
Nikolas: “I love you.”
Ava: “If only that’s all it took to fix things. We have to deal with Esme, your son, your uncle, my mistrust, your misdeeds.”
She left out “holding pregnant Esme hostage in the turret while lying that you knocked up Elizabeth to cover for Esme’s kidnapping”, which is understandable because Nikolas kept those gory details to himself.
Nik: “It will only hurt you.”
Ava: “Why stop now?”
Never get on Ava’s bad side. She blackmailed Nik’s Uncle Victor for a better divorce settlement and then stormed off to confront Liz in the hospital chapel.
Ava: “No lame excuses for jumping back into bed with Nikolas? At least you weren’t married to his brother this time.”
Liz: “I’ve made terrible mistakes.”
Ava: “Give me a break, Mary Magdalene.”
Seasonal humor! Okay, back to the action:
Liz: “You left Nikolas months ago.”
Ava: “So what? I leave Nikolas all the time.”
Okay, that was funny. Spencer’s disappointment at Nikolas’s lies was devastating (“Elizabeth who?” he asked incredulously, putting together that his dad had knocked up Cameron’s mom) and his admission to Trina that he had let everyone down was heartbreaking.
Spencer: “I’m going to move on and disappoint strangers.”
Then The Hook killed Rory and Spencer had to watch Trina sob over his dead body. Note: If a dying man ever tells you he loves you, say it back #guilt.
Which brings us to the pre-holiday guilt faced by all the families involved in Susan’s “death” on DAYS (which I don’t believe).
Kristen: “I want to be there for my brother.”
Brady: “What could possibly go wrong?”
Here’s what: Brady thinking Kristen was impersonating Susan’s twin, Sister Mary Moira, at the funeral and planting a kiss on her.
Mary Moira: “Your stepson ravaged me! He stuck his fornicating tongue down my virgin throat.”
Marlena: “That’s an image.”
Death at the holidays is not very festive, but it does bring the drama — as did Ava showing up in disguise at the funeral to plant a bomb, which caused a debate over whether Johnny saw the culprit.
Nicole: “Maybe he had a vision of the Virgin Mary.”
Mary Moira: “Please. The Blessed Mother would never appear to a DiMera. [To EJ] No offense.”
EJ: “None taken. From experience, I can tell you if any one of us were to hallucinate, we would see someone evil.”
Somewhere, Stefano was donning a red suit and cackling. Ho, ho, ho!
Hey. It’s only my opinion.
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